Faith-shaking

Yesterday in Theology Seminar, Dr. Ramage asked us how the course had effected us so far.  His point was that with all that we've been learning, it's easy to see all these supposed "errors" in the Bible and lose faith.  The course is on Divine Scripture, so we've been looking at things like inspiration, contradictions in the Bible, contradictions within history, and the historicity of the Bible in general.  So the fact that there are two contradicting accounts of the creation and the flood, all in Genesis.  If they contradict each other, how can they be inspired?  Which one really happened?  We've looked at evidence in history of certain figures in the Bible, such as David.  And we've looked at ancient Near Eastern myths that mirror the creation story and the flood story, yet were written centuries before Genesis was even talked about.  So what makes Genesis different from these myths? How can we claim it is inspired if the same story was told by someone else way earlier? Is it all myth, not real?

Yesterday, Dr. Ramage told us that graduate students studying theology sometimes lose their faith when studying these subjects.  Which is not hard to fathom at all.  Everything we've been taught to believe as Catholics can be disputed by history, or even within the Bible itself.  How can we believe that the bible is truly inspired by the one true God, if it is basically impossible to prove who wrote it, when, and with what intention?  So Dr. Ramage wanted to know if we've had any doubts, any thoughts similar to these.  At first there was basically a resounding no.  We're theology majors at Benedictine College; we cant lose our faith just based on these silly arguments, right?

Wrong.  Finally someone spoke up.  She said this class has made her wonder if everything we believe is true. In the modern world we live in, it's pretty naive to just believe what you're told, without questioning where it came from.  And this course is showing us exactly that; that we have to be able to question, but still believe, to answer the questions that others, non-catholics and catholics alike, have.  We're theology majors; we cant just accept what our professors teach us without forming our own opinions.  So I completely understand what Dr. Ramage was saying, and how my classmate could be doubting.  I can see how a lot of people might find problems with these inconsistencies in the Bible and in our faith.  Makes sense.

But I was sitting in adoration this morning, filled to bursting with love for my God, for all of the mercy that He has shown to me, even as simple as allowing me the opportunity to visit Him everyday in the Holy Eucharist, and I couldn't help but think that all of those inconsistencies, all of those contradictions, just don't matter.  I mean, obviously they do matter; this is the history of our faith, it came directly from God, and in order to claim that, there has to be some explanation for the inconsistencies.  But regardless of whether the Bible is truly inspired, or whether God actually created everything in 6 days, or whether David was a good king or a traitor to the Israelites, regardless of any of that, I know that when I go to adoration, I can truly feel God's presence, and I know that He has had a hand in me being here right now.  I know that I would not be at this school right now, directing a retreat, spending glorious time in prayer everyday, bursting with love for God and for everyone He has put in my life, if God did not exist and if I didn't believe in Him.  The evidence of His work in my life is all that I need to believe that everything I've ever learned is true, that the Bible is inspired, and to have the trust that one day, even if it's after I'm dead, I will understand it all.

It's important to know our faith; to learn everything we can, to think on our own, and come to our own decisions.  Our faith as Catholics is not just about a relationship with God.  But if you have that relationship with God, how can you not believe in the Church? Sure, maybe there are a few things that don't add up; but the Church is still going strong after 2000 years. Surely, something is right.

And so, my seminar has not shaken my faith; if anything, it has made me yearn for more knowledge.  I want to know as much as I can about this merciful God who obviously loves me more than I can possibly imagine; after all, His Son died for my sins--what more is there to know?

John 3:17...no that's not a typo

So I was in adoration the other day reading through the morning prayer and mass readings for the day in my Magnificat when a verse caught my eye.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son..." Ok not that one, everyone knows John 3:16, it's basically the definition of Christianity.  It was the next verse that I want to talk about: "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him."  John 3:16 is everywhere; but I've never paid attention to John 3:17 before.  I think it really hits home with Christianity though, and especially with Catholicism because so many people think that all we care about is how many sins you've committed and that we focus on the guilt. Our God is supposedly this judging God.  But right there after the definition of Christianity God clarifies for us, because of course He knew He would need to: not to condemn the world, not to count our sins and make us feel guilty, but that we might be saved.  

Which leads me to a song that has been bothering me: Jason Gray's "More Like Falling In Love."  In it he says "more like falling in love than something to believe in, more like losing my heart than giving my allegiance."  Falling in love with our heavenly Father and His Son is definitely necessary and often missing from the Catholic Church (in my opinion).  But it's not just a feeling either.  It's a way of life.  Gray says "give me rules, I will break them; give me lines, I will cross them."  Yes, we break the rules the church sets down for us; but not on purpose.  We break them because we're flawed, we're human, WE SIN.  It's so necessary to realize that, to see what we're doing wrong, so that we can change.  God didn't send his Son to to save us so that we could do whatever we wanted and make our own rules.  He sent Him so that we would WANT to follow the rules, so that when we fail, we come running back into His arms because He's forgiven us, and we try again.  

Gray says that "all religion ever made of me was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet, it never set me free."  So many people have those same feelings, and it frustrates me that as a Christian he would so those things on the radio (and that Christian radio stations would play it).  But it also makes me sad that he's so misguided that he can't see how glorious the church is.  

It seems to me that Christianity is divided in two.  On one side are the Catholics, Lutherans, and other denominations who seem to be very focused on the Church as a building with rules.  On the other hand are the denominations who want to know if I have a personal relationship with Jesus.  Together these two sides make a whole.  The Catholic Church is definitely taking steps toward the middle; but as a whole, and especially from the outside, it is still focused on structure.  Which is completely necessary; but what good is structure with no feeling, no personal meaning?  Not much, I think.  

"For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him"--John 3:17