Adoration always gets me thinking, and today was no exception. I've been spending a lot of time dealing with self-worth lately, and the overwhelming feeling that I wont be worthy of my future husband (assuming my vocation is marriage), and most of today was spent on that topic. But it was the random thought I had at the end of my date with Jesus that I want to rant about today; and when I say rant, I mean I just want to share because my heart is bursting.
As I was saying good night to Jesus, I was overwhelmed by the sense of being in Jesus' true presence, and what a wonderful gift that is. In the Eucharist, Jesus is truly present; how blessed are we to be able to partake in that? Not just in Holy Communion, but just to be in His present, whenever we want. But the thing that really struck me is that this isn't the first time I've been overwhelmed by this sense; this wasn't even the first time TODAY I was overwhelmed by that sense. Ever since I went to the FOCUS conference in Denver back in January, I have been constantly in awe of Jesus' presence in the Eucharist. Mostly I think due to Christopher Stefanick's talk titled "Beyond Boredom." He spent an hour going through all of the main beliefs of the Catholic Church and emphasizing how amazing they are, and that we need to stop getting complacent and used to these beliefs. Jesus died for my sins; how can that not amaze me every time I look at the cross? Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist; how can I not bow to His Glory every time I'm at Mass or in Adoration?
Of course, immediately after Stefanick's talk, we had Adoration and confession. My experience when they brought Jesus into the ballroom and placed Him on the altar/stage was mind-blowing. As the priest was walking into the room, I was overwhelmed by the sense that Jesus Himself was walking into the room; that when the doors opened, I would see the person of Jesus, not the Body of Jesus in the form of a piece of bread. I felt as I imagined the crowds felt on Palm Sunday, when Jesus rode into town on a donkey; I wanted to weep for joy of seeing Him; I wanted to throw myself onto the ground in His presence. I was not worthy.
And somehow, ever since then, what Stefanick said has stuck with me. I can't get used to Jesus' presence; I can't take it for granted. Every single time I'm at Mass or in Adoration, I am completely in awe of His presence. I don't have to force myself to focus; I simply look up, and I am reminded of Him, of His sacrifice for me, of His love for me. I am constantly aware of the miracle of the Mass.
Why don't we have those feelings every time we go to Mass? Every time we go to Adoration? We have been given such a gift as Catholics; we are in Christ's true presence so often. How do we not fully understand and appreciate that? I sit in the church on Sundays sometimes and wonder how these people can sit around me and not fully understand what they're doing; to not understand and be in awe of the miracle that is taking place on the altar; to not want to grovel for the Lord's mercy in His presence; to eat His Body and drink His Blood as if it's simply bread and wine. How is that possible? How can these people call themselves Catholic when they seem to have no idea what they're doing?
Don't get me wrong: I'm not judging anyone. I'm just so in awe of the presence of Christ in the Eucharist every single time I go to Mass and every single time I go to Adoration, and I want everyone else to know what I'm feeling. I want everyone else to understand, I want them to see what I see. And I want them to give to Christ what He deserves. He died for our sins, out of love for each and everyone of us; He suffered on the cross, when He had done nothing to deserve it. Doesn't He deserve our time and our understanding and our adoration?
Being Catholic is such a gift; I am constantly reminded of that, especially in moments of true adoration. What a blessing that we are able to be in Christ's presence over 2000 years after He walked on this Earth. That's another thing that amazes me: to some people, that seems impossible, like some kind of myth or crazy belief that us Catholics have. To me, that seems like a miracle. A gift from God, because He loves us. He loves us with a terrifying love. How can we not love Him back?
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